Greg Kim
May 17, 2008
Recovery is tough. I came into the mental health system in extreme emotional distress. I was suspicious of people and overwhelmed with sadness and hopelessness. I didn’t really see much of a future for myself and had a hard time even making it through the day. Life was a struggle. For me, getting a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, taking medications that made me feel in a fog and being locked up against my will were frightening and not hope inspiring.
It took years before I really thought that I would get better. I was stuck in a cycle of pain and running to the hospital for help. But it wasn’t really the type of help that I needed. Once I got to hospital, I wanted out. But there were people who helped me out of the mire.
They were like the exceptional jewels in the system. These were the people who believed in me. They never judged me and always held me in high regard even when I was doing some really reckless and potentially catastrophic things.
The journey to recovery took time, work and deep soul searching. My journey led me to learn about other ways to stay safe in tough times. It led to me discovering other ways to interpret what was happening around me. It guided me to discover the things that I needed to do on a daily basis to stay well. I still do these things daily. When I don’t do them I can see the storm clouds of despair forming on the horizon.
Recovery for me isn’t living without these feelings of suspiciousness or sadness but learning how to incorporate them into my way of being. It’s about learning how to make them a part of me to navigate the world. They are a gift, a crazy mad gift. But it allows me to be more sensitive and empathetic to people and my surroundings. It allows me to care about my work and school and gives me passion. These feelings aren’t present as often and as for long as before. Now they act like my early warning system when my life is getting out of control.
You never know where you are going to end up in life. Once I decided that the pain of changing was less than the pain of what was happening, I started a new path from illness to wellness and hope. I’m still on that path. I stumble but I have hope and can see a better future.
“Greg Kim is the chair of the Consumer/Survivor Information Resource Centre of Toronto and treasurer of the Ontario Council of Alternative Businesses. During the day he is the Consumer Participation Initiative Coordinator at the Canadian Mental Health Association - Toronto Branch. Greg also loves his cat Minoune.”
